"Gossip is the art of saying nothing in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid." - Walter Winchell
Gossiping is a sin!
Ro 1:29 They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, 30 slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; 31 they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless.
The fact that it’s a sin tells us two things...
1. Gossiping hurts God.
2. Gossiping hurts others
The word as we know it comes from the old English... godsibb, from which we get god and sib. Which is the terms used for godparents, so in the 16th century, the word assumed to refer to someone who knew what was going on around the place and in the lives of people.
But in our culture, and previous cultures it has morphed into a destructive relaying of information that at some level is aimed at damaging the character of another.
Which is the first indicator that you’re gossiping...
Defaming means damaging the character of someone else. The Jewish Law considers gossip spoken without a constructive purpose (known in Hebrew as lashon hara) as a sin. Their reasoning: Speaking negatively about people, even if retelling true facts, demeans the dignity of person — both the speaker and the subject of the gossip.
So, if something you say about someone, damages their character in the view of the person hearing… That’s gossip.
The next building block is Hurtful Intent.
The reason behind why we gossip is to intend to do something other than help that person.
"Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone, you don't." - Earl Wilson
And because of your dislike, you intend to hurt them and so you gossip. So before you speak about someone check your intentions.
The final building block is something we do anonymously.
D. L. Moody once received a note just before he was to preach. He opened the note. It read “FOOL.” Moody stood and said, “Many times I have been given an anonymous letter. But this is the first time I received a letter with the signature alone!”
It’s easier to hurt people if they don’t know it’s us doing it. It’s easier to say mean things quite generously about people if they won’t find out it’s us. And when it comes to you sharing things, the stopping point is “Would I say this to the person’s face? Because I need to before I say it to anyone else.”
So we have a foundation for understanding what gossip is: Annonymous. Hurtful Intent. Defaming.
Gossiping is saying something to someone that we don’t want our name attached to, or that which damages the way others see them or what comes from a heart wanting to hurt and not help someone.
Now conversation that features even one of those three ingredients is gossiping! And the result of that is broken trust!
In the law of Islam, Islam considers gossiping the equivalent of eating the flesh of one's dead brother. According to Muslims, gossiping harms its victims without offering them any chance of defence, just as dead people cannot defend against their flesh being eaten.
And our culture feeds on the dead flesh of others! So much so that we watch TV shows that are constructed on this idea. Solomon knew that this show was going to be made, he even wrote a review of it, he said: Pr 18:8 The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man’s inmost parts.
And they sit deep within us and begin to fester and infect and make our spirits toxic!
The first episode of Gossip Girls was watched by 3.65 million viewers, which isn’t actually a lot at all. It actually came in last place in its 9:00 p.m. timeslot on Wednesday nights. But despite this, the show was noted to have had the best audience retention equal to America's Next Top Model which is another show all about gossip, backstabbing and destroying others to get ahead based on superficiality.
But what’s interesting is that as the TV show, Gossip girls progressed, it’s viewer base of 2 million, has continued to decrease with each new season, which means one of two things: 1. People around the globe are heeding Solomon’s words, and are realizing the temptation to gossip is already a problem and they don’t need to feed that. 2. Or It’s crap television. My money is on number 2!
But what does a show that’s built and named on gossip tell us about the Wild we live in?
It tells us that getting the most important and freshest piece of news and then being the bearer of that news is more important, and frankly easier, than looking for the beauty in someone.
It tells us that the condition of and value we put on relationships in our lives runs at a second to what we hope people think of us.
It tells us that often it’s more important for us to have the latest bit of goss, than it is to be trusted by others.
And shows like this tell us that gossip is like an epidemic that spreads and devours all in its way, unless of course you stand up to it. You face the oncoming tide and decide to resist it. So let’s talk about what this looks like!
Jas 3:2 We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check. 3 When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. 4 Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. 5 Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts.
A massive ship gets steered by a tiny rudder. A huge stallion get’s directed by a tiny bit of metal in their mouth. And a man or woman determine the course of their life, the state of their friendships, their character and reputation by a tiny piece of flesh in their mouth called their tongue.
James says to us, How you use your words, the things you say, the interactions you have, the information you share or don’t share, will heavily influence the direction of your life.
Consider that a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.
Jas 3:6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
Just over a year ago we sat and watched and heard as the Black Saturday Bushfires tore through the Victorian countryside. Lyndal and I sat on the edge of our seats, fearing for the lives of our friends. Two of whom lost their houses. And it all happened because of the smallest spark. A fire comes from that...
And just like a fire It’s just the smallest word of gossip that seems to cause incredible amounts of damage. Damage that can take years to find healing and restoration. Relationships that once were valuable are now lost.
Jas 3:7 All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, 8 but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness.
James puts it this way so that his audience would understand. Your tongue is capable of praising God. And in the next minute cursing people, gossiping about them, judging them, slandering them, damaging their reputation…
So the question is what sort of heart does it come from?
Does your heart want to praise God or curse people?
What is your heart’s priority?
James says, if you heart is set on praising God, then this area of your life will become more and more manageable. If it’s not, then you have something to address.
Jas 3:10 Because out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. 11 Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?
It’s no accident that James likens praise to freshwater, and cursing to salt water. The people were people who understood the sea. They knew that no life could be born out of sea water. The dead sea was just down the road. They knew you didn’t drink salt water or it made you sick. You didn’t water your plants with saltwater as it killed them. That saltwater wasn’t pure. Where as freshwater, that brought forth life.
And so James says the way your tongue works is an indicator of the condition of your spirit. Is your spirit life giving to all, because your words will reflect that? Or is your spirit polluted and unpurified, and influencing the direction of your life in an unhealthy way?
Jas 3:12 My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.
Your tongue if used poorly cannot bear good fruit: People won’t trust you, people won’t be encouraged by you, people won’t desire to be in your orbit, people will be hurt if you use your words poorly. If you use your tongue poorly it will affect everything. Expecting anything else is like expecting a grapevine to bear figs or a fig tree to bear olives. It’s not going to happen!
So let me give you some strategies to tame your tongue. To purify your life. To harness the power of your words that ultimately affect the direction of your life.
Reduce YOur exposure: tv, movies, ppl, topics.
You need to reduce your exposure to it, which may mean re-evaluating what you watch on TV. It may mean exiting a conversation when someone begins to gossip. It may mean being conscious of the topics or people that cause you to gossip, and not going near them in conversation with others. Reduce your exposure to gossiping environments, that will help
HEAR GOSSIP WISELY:
One way to stop gossip dead in it’s tracks is to tell someone you don’t want to hear it. But if you don’t do that right it can sound really belittling and can be hurtful. But hearing gossip wisely is responding to it creatively.
People will tell you stuff but you have a choice to take on their gossip, and risk adding more momentum to it... Or... you can defuse it. You can respond to it with “I don’t think that person would do that?” Or my favourite “Wow, well I’m gong ot ask that person about it.” Or “have you told them, coz if you haven’t you probably shouldn’t be telling me.” Sometimes you will find yourself in a place where you are hearing gossip... You can’t get out of it or avoid it, So here it wisely and respond creatively.
FACE OTHER WITH THE CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR GOSSIPING
Most people who gossip don’t realise the consequences of their sin, especially as they do it. So sometimes It’s really important to call them on it. To ask them about what they allegedly said. To challenge their behaviour. Because when someone is faced with the consequences of their gossiping, it can often be a really loud wake up call that they need to change.
ALWAYS SEEK TO AIM YOUR WORDS WISELY
I remember the golf ball whistling past my head and thinking one thing. How often our words are like that. Not aimed, we just wind up, put everything into them and shoot them out, and more often than we’d like to admit someone gets hurts, or trusts us less, or is angered in a way we didn’t want. We don’t realise the damage our words can make because we loose the ability to aim them.
Ultimately gossip is born out of our insecurity with who we are, or our dislike of another person, or our need to know everything, or our feeling of powerlessness.
Peter Vajda identifies gossip as a form of workplace violence Gossip: "essentially a form of attack." Gossip is thought by many to "empower one person while disempowering another" (Hafen).
Gossiping comes out of the saltwater recesses, As James would say, of our soul. The unpurified parts of our being. The bits we’ve not let God had full reign in. And sometimes we have no clue what those things are, but God knows. And he invites you to trust him. To bring your brokenness, that may sometimes express itself through gossip, to bring your brokenness to him, so he may purify you and clean you from the sin you feel stained with and begin to heal you.
